64 Ways to Know You Drink Too Much Coffee

You answer the door before people knock.
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
The only kitchen appliances you own are made by Mr. Coffee.
Every shirt or blouse you own has a coffee stain on it.
You ski uphill.
You get a tax cut for all the coffee you bought.
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
You sleep with your eyes open.
When you open your dish cabinet, there are only mugs.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
Your coffee cake, must have coffee in it.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
The only gift you get for Valentines Day is chocolate covered beans.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
All your kids are named "Joe".
Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You've worn out the handle on your favourite mug.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before realizing it's not plugged in.
You forget to un-wrap candy bars before eating them.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you.
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
You pick up AM radio and people test their batteries in your ears.
When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
Your hand is permanently shaped to hold your mug.
You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You short out motion detectors.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
You don't get mad, you get steamed.
Your three favourite things in life are...coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.
Your lover uses candles, soft music and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.
You can't even remember your second cup.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hook-up.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
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