Lawyer Jokes 1

Lawyer in Hell
A lawyer dies and is sent to hell. Satan, always fond of lawyers, gives him a guided tour and lets him choose the room in which he wants to spend eternity.
The first room Satan brings him to is filled with people standing on their heads in four feet of hot coals. The lawyer decides that such living conditions aren’t for him.
Next, Satan shows him into a second room filled with lost souls, standing on their heads in four feet of sharp ice. The lawyer complains that he is sensitive to cold and could not spend eternity this way.
Satan then shows the lawyer the final room. This room has countless sinners and criminals standing upright in four feet of manure. All the people are drinking coffee. Although the stench is overpowering, the lawyer loves coffee and decides upon this room. Five minutes after locking the lawyer into the third room, Satan come back into the room and shouts, “Coffee break is over! Everyone back on their heads!"

Lawyers in Hell 2
Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other? They are seperated by a big chain-link fence. Well, one day hell was having a big party and it got a little out of hand. God heard the ruckus and arrived to find his fence completely smashed by the wild partiers. He called the devil over and said "Look, Satan, you have to rebuild this fence." Satan agreed. The next day God noticed that the devil had completely rebuilt the fence...but it was 2 feet further into heaven than before.
"Satan!" beckoned God. "You have to take that fence down and put it back where it belongs!"
"Yeah? What if I don't?" replied the devil.
"I'll sue you if I have to," answered God.
"Sure," laughed Satan. "Where are you going to find a lawyer?"

2 Friends and a Lawyer
Three friends die tragically in a car crash and find themselves at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter greets them and asks one question, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?” asks St. Peter.
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I will always be remembered as a great doctor and family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and a school teacher that truly made a huge difference for the children."
The lawyer finally replies, "I would like to hear them say.... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!"

Doctors & Lawyers
Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."
The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."
The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.
The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and their butt are interchangeable."
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