Wedding & Married Life Jokes

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Jack, and Jill Wears the Pants

Jack was soon going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat. "Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here - try these on.'" Jack’s father continued, "So, she did and replied, 'These are too big, I can't wear these pants.' So I replied to your mother, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' Ever since that night we have never had any problems," concluded Jack's father.
"Hmmm," Jack said in reply. He thought his father's suggestion might be a good thing to establish on that day of new beginnings. So on his honeymoon Jack took off his pants and said to Jill, "Here, try these on."
So she did and said, "These are too large, Jack. They don't fit me..."
Jack replied, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that."
Then Jill took off her pants and handed them to Jack, as she said, "Here, you try on mine!" As she requested, he tried them.
"I can't get into your pants," Jack said with a question in his tone.
Jill replied, "Exactly. And if you don't change your attitude, you never will."


Saving Up

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.
But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.
She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!"
The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak,
"Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years, and I thought he meant his money!!"


Better Offer

A man at his wedding rehearsal slips the rev $100 and asks him to omit the love, honor and obey from his part of the vows the next day.
At the wedding the rev turns to the groom and says "do you promise to bring your wife breakfast in bed every morning and live to fulfill her every need?" the groom, in front of all the family and friends, has no choice but to say "I do" after the ceremony, the groom questions the rev about thier deal. the rev put the money back in the grooms hand and says "sorry, your wife made me a much better offer..."
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