Homosexual Jokes

.
Redneck Logic

Two redneck farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favourite bar, having a beer.
Jim turns to Bob and says “You know, I’m tired of going through life without an education. I think I’ll go to the community college, and sign up for some classes.”
Bob thinks that’s a good idea, and the two leave.
The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.
“Logic”, Jim says, “What’s that?”
The Dean says “I’ll give you an example. Do you own a weed-eater?”
“Yeah”, says Jim.
Dean says “Then, logically speaking, because you own a weed-eater, I think you would have a yard.”
Jim says, “That’s true, I do have a yard.”
“I’m not done”, says the Dean. “Because you have a yard, I think, logically, you would have a house.”
Jim says, “Yes, I do have a house.”
The Dean says, “And because you have a house, I think, logically, you might have a family.”
“Yes”, Jim says. “I have a family.”
“I’m not done yet”, the Dean says. “Because you have a family, then, logically, you must have a wife, so logic tells me you must be a heterosexual.”
Jim says “I am a heterosexual. That’s amazing! You were able to find out all of that because I have a weed-eater!”
Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean’s hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar.
He tells Bob about the classes he signed up for: Math, English, History, and Logic.
“Logic”, says Bob. “What’s that?”
Jim says, “I’ll give you an example. Do you have a weed-eater?”
Bob says “No.”
Jim says, “Then you’re a queer.”


Man-hers for Him

A man and his teenage son are riding on a bus, when the bus stopped and a gorgeous woman with an amazing body got on. The son said really loudly "God, I'd love to get my hands on that piece of ass." The whole bus turned and frowned at the father and his son, and the young woman's face got really red. Mortified, the man turned to his son and said "you can't talk to women that way. I'm sending you to military school until you learn how to treat women with respect."
A year later, the son was out of military school and he and his dad were on a bus again. Again, a gorgeous young woman got on the bus, and the father gritted his teeth, hoping that his son would behave. The son just sat there politely, looking at the front of the bus. Filled with admiration, the father leaned over and said "son, I'm proud of you. You didn't say a word about that beautiful young lady."
The son turned to his dad and said very loudly "she's okay I guess, but check out the ass on that bus driver!"


I'm proud of my son

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific!? My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?" One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ..What about your son?"
The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub." The three friends said: "What a shame ... what a disappointment."
The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends"
.