Aussie Joke 2

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- Did you know that 10% of road accidents are caused by drunk drivers?Does that mean that the other 90% of accidents are caused by sober drivers? Confusing.

- I said to this Sheila the other day, "Oooo that's nice perfume you've got on, what's it called?" She said, "It's called 'come to me'." I said, "Is that right, it doesn't smell like cum to me!"

- Guy out in the sticks comes across a girl swinging on the farm gate."Do ya root?" He asks. "No" says the shelia, "but you're such a silver tongued bastard, you've talked me into it."

- My dog was just sitting in the middle of the lounge, licking his wanger, I couldn't believe it, I said to my wife, "I wish I could do that."And she said, "Well he's pretty placid, if you give him a biscuit he'll probably let you!"

- "Mummy you wouldn't read about it, but I've got the biggest dong in our primary school."
"Yes son, but do remember.... you ARE the HEADMASTER!"

- I was dancing with this shelia, I had my shiny new gumboots on, I could look at the top of me gummies and see her knickers.I said, "Oooo you've got red knickers on." I danced with another shelia, I said, "You've got yellow knickers on." I danced with the third bird, she said, "You can't see my knickers, I haven't got any on!"I said, "Thank Christ for that, I thought I'd ripped me gumboots!"

- I danced with one bird and I said to her, "What's your name love?" She said, "My name's Rose, I always wear Rose."I danced with another one, "What's your name dear?" She said, "My name's Violet, I always wear Violet." I danced with this big, fat smelly shelia, I said, "oooooer, don't tell me.... your name's Fanny!"

- Speaking of Fanny, no not that kind, I met this bird, I said, "What's your name?"She said, "It's Franny, fanny with an R, Franny."I said, "I'd like to take you out again tomorrow night." She said, "Okay, but don't forget my name, Fanny with an R, Franny." All the next day I'm going, 'Fanny with an R, Fanny with an R, FRANNY, Fanny with an R." I rang her up next night, she said, "Remember my name?" I said, Yep.... CRUNT!"

- A sailor came home from a secret two year mission at sea only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge."Was it me bloody mate Jock?" he demanded. "No!" his weeping wife replied. "Was it me cobber Jerry then?" he asked. NO!!!" she said even more upset. "Well which one of me bastard mates did this then?" he asked. "Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she snapped.
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