Red Neck Jokes

You might be a redneck if...

• Your family tree does not fork.
• Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
• Your wife's hairdo attracts bees.
• Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
• The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.
• Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
• You pick your teeth from a catalogue.
• You've ever financed a tattoo.
• You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."
• Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
• Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.
• There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
• Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
• There is a wasp nest in your living room.
• The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
• You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.
• There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.
• You burn your front yard rather than mow it.
• You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
• Fewer than half of your cars run.
• You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
• You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin' dog.
• The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.
• Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!"
• The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.
• You haul more than U-Haul.
• Your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"
• There is a gun rack on your bicycle.
• Your wedding was held in the delivery room.